On love and marriage

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When my sister graduated high school and was preparing for college I wrote her a long letter of things I had learned my first few years of college and encouragement of truths to remember. Well, now she has reached another milestone of being engaged and so I thought I'd write another letter about that process. I would like to share a piece of what I wrote and pray it is an encouragement for many!


Some people paint marriage to be all rainbows and butterflies and others like to keep reminding you how hard it’s going to be- which I'm sure both do out of good intentions. I like to try in genuine conversations with people to be real about the joys and the trials. Because it is hard, but you only work hard at something you love and care about.

It is hard work unifying two people who simply have different goals, passions, desires, dreams, and personalities and then toss in the mix how we are all sinful, selfish people! But the best thing about marriage is found in the metaphor of Christ and the church.  It is finding that no matter how sinful and selfish you are and no matter how much junk you have and no matter how many burdens you have to carry, by the power of Christ in you and your spouse, you can choose to walk through this together, to carry on another’s burdens, to reflect the unconditional love of Christ, to hold hands in the darkness, and to proclaim truth in gentleness. 

Sometimes I am Christ, sometimes I am the church. Sometimes I get to give unconditional love and grace, and sometimes I need to receive that unconditional love and grace. We are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And while it can sound beautiful and even romantic written on paper it is often messy and ugly in the process. Sometimes I don’t want to give unconditional love and grace, sometimes I think I don’t need it either. I can be proud, rude, I can keep a record of wrongs. I can be the exact opposite of LOVE in 1 Corinthians 13. Because love isn’t about being right, but I sure like to be. “Love finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth” [1 Cor. 13:6-7]. There is nothing worth fighting about, but rather many things worth fighting for. 

Together you fight for truth, justice, and mercy. 

As you declare the love of Christ to each other the world cannot help but see the hope of Christ. Marriage is one way God can use tangible things to display His magnificent love for us through Jesus. Again, that sounds beautiful and romantic, but it was messy and ugly on that cross. God didn’t fight to be right- He already was in too many ways to count. He fought for our righteousness. 

Melissa, my beautiful sister,
May your wedding day be filled with the Holy Spirit, may your marriage be abundantly blessed by the Lord, and may your hearts be filled with the love of Christ. 

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