Stupid squash and a victorious God
It really wasn't a bad day. It wasn't until about 5:45 that it went downhill fast. After trying to be the good wife and go to the store to get squash for squash casserole to make for Aaron's thanksgiving feast at work.... I realized- I DON'T HAVE THE STUPID SQUASH as I am driving out of the Bilo parking lot. I managed to buy many things at the grocery store... none of them what I actually needed.
So I berate myself, get home, unload and decide to go to Ingles because I can't face the people at Bilo again. Aaron's not home yet so I call him to see if he will pick up squash on his way home instead and I say, "Have you left work yet?" Of course his response is an excited, "Look out the carport window." There he is pulling up to our house. So I explain what happened. He thankfully and graciously volunteers to go to the store for me. All the while I am yelling obscene phrases about the STUPID SQUASH at him like I'm mad at him.
Can you tell I was really tired and out of it? So I start at least cooking dinner while he's running to the store for me. And I think that it smells very strange when I turn on the gas stove. I'm running through all the possibilities in my mind.
You can't smell carbon monoxide- good then, it's not that because I can smell whatever this is.
I have had a stuffy nose- maybe something's just burning.
Aaron just stained the hardwood floors in our back bedroom... maybe that smells extra strong.
And I come the logical conclusion that...
I am inhaling large amount of something poisonous, could die in my sleep tonight, and somehow my whole day is AWFUL.
And my feet are killing me because I was on them all day... at school, at the silly grocery store, making dinner, and standing around with Aaron while we try to figure out what's wrong with our oven.
After dinner, I realize my need for fresh air. It's raining outside and I step out to breath deeply, listen to the stillness of the falling rain, and quiet my heart. As I am praying to God I hear him say in my heart,
"I am not against you."
Isn't the opposite my reaction too often?
"God, you're against me."
I think why is he allowing this, causing this, not preventing it, not stopping it, not caring about it? But God's heart grieves when we are hurting- every time. From my menial forgetting squash moments to momentous, quite devastating moments.
So I ran through all the things that could happen in which people could think God was against them and I got all the way to death. And I heard him say in my heart,
"Even in death, I win."
"What then are we to say about these things?
If God is for us, who is against us?
He did not even spare His own Son,
but offered him for us all;
how will He not also with Him grant us everything?
...
No, in all these things we are more than victorious,
through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
angels nor demons,
nor things present, no things to come, nor powers,
nor height, nor depth,
nor any other created thing will have the power
to separate us from the love of God
that is in
Christ
Jesus
our
Lord."
-Romans 8:21-22, 37-39.
So I berate myself, get home, unload and decide to go to Ingles because I can't face the people at Bilo again. Aaron's not home yet so I call him to see if he will pick up squash on his way home instead and I say, "Have you left work yet?" Of course his response is an excited, "Look out the carport window." There he is pulling up to our house. So I explain what happened. He thankfully and graciously volunteers to go to the store for me. All the while I am yelling obscene phrases about the STUPID SQUASH at him like I'm mad at him.
Can you tell I was really tired and out of it? So I start at least cooking dinner while he's running to the store for me. And I think that it smells very strange when I turn on the gas stove. I'm running through all the possibilities in my mind.
You can't smell carbon monoxide- good then, it's not that because I can smell whatever this is.
I have had a stuffy nose- maybe something's just burning.
Aaron just stained the hardwood floors in our back bedroom... maybe that smells extra strong.
And I come the logical conclusion that...
I am inhaling large amount of something poisonous, could die in my sleep tonight, and somehow my whole day is AWFUL.
And my feet are killing me because I was on them all day... at school, at the silly grocery store, making dinner, and standing around with Aaron while we try to figure out what's wrong with our oven.
After dinner, I realize my need for fresh air. It's raining outside and I step out to breath deeply, listen to the stillness of the falling rain, and quiet my heart. As I am praying to God I hear him say in my heart,
"I am not against you."
Isn't the opposite my reaction too often?
"God, you're against me."
I think why is he allowing this, causing this, not preventing it, not stopping it, not caring about it? But God's heart grieves when we are hurting- every time. From my menial forgetting squash moments to momentous, quite devastating moments.
So I ran through all the things that could happen in which people could think God was against them and I got all the way to death. And I heard him say in my heart,
"Even in death, I win."
"What then are we to say about these things?
If God is for us, who is against us?
He did not even spare His own Son,
but offered him for us all;
how will He not also with Him grant us everything?
...
No, in all these things we are more than victorious,
through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
angels nor demons,
nor things present, no things to come, nor powers,
nor height, nor depth,
nor any other created thing will have the power
to separate us from the love of God
that is in
Christ
Jesus
our
Lord."
-Romans 8:21-22, 37-39.
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