Carrying the melody
I feel ready to burst with all the thoughts that I would like to tumble out on the page. Where to begin?
I've just had a beautiful glimpse into the way God made me and so many people around me. It started off being unsure of myself- as so many of my adventures begin. Really it started off with music. I have a deep love for music. I always have. Sometimes when I go on trips, I buy a CD right before it and listen to it on the journey because when I hear those songs in the future, I will be able to close my eyes and recall details of the trip that no other stimulant can trigger. Music is so powerful. Music has the ability to conjure up many different emotions. Two things that can cross any cultural or language barrier. Music speaks to the soul.
When my heart is full of joy, it makes me want to sing. So many times the Psalmist says that he wants to sing God's praises. Singing seems to be such a natural response in humans to the joys and sorrows of life- seeming to get us through many valleys by the grace of God.
Music is an intimate part of me because I love to play guitar and it has often been a way that I privately worship and experience God. I can remember being in high school and sitting up on my roof at all times of the day and night playing guitar over our sunporch. There's a part of me that was so free up there- so close to God.
I don't like being in front of people so I rarely played in bands or at church until "girl band." Girl band consisted of myself and 3 other beautiful girls who are all doing very different things with their life right now. But for 6 months during my senior year of high school we experienced such a unique bond because we played music together and together music spoke to our soul. We shared inside jokes, stories of first kisses, and dreams of our futures until 6 in the morning on many occasions.
Then in college, I didn't play guitar for anybody. I never played once in front of people that I can recall.
So about a three months ago, a friend at church, Monica learned about my ability to play guitar. Conveniently enough she is one of the leaders in the band at our church. On our deacon retreat, I played a line from a Psalm that I had written a little melody to- nothing special. If you know Monica's love for music, she couldn't let the line go without making it something more. One sunday after church- we stuck around- just the two of us- in dcf at the piano and wrote the rest of the song. It was a breakthrough for both of us. We had both written songs in the past and hadn't shared them much with others for different reasons. Mine being that I mainly do not think I am a good singer and would rather do anything (insert something extreme and yet not deadly) than sing in front of people. And so that song was played at dcf by Monica.
Monica and I hung out a few more times and I actually took the initiative in telling her that I had written another song. After playing it for her, I knew that no matter how hard I resisted, she was going to make sure it was played on a Sunday at dcf. And of course, I would have to be up there. She finally convinced me to play guitar, but I told her I refused to sing, but the group of people I was singing to grew unintentionally. First Monica, then Monica and Emily, then Monica and the band because she said they had to learn the melody. Her and Emily would sing harmony. I finally agreed to play guitar, but said I would not get within 1 foot of the mic on Sunday. After band practice that night I fell apart and was frustrated by my inability to explain my complex feelings. I was nervous and worried, but it was more than that. I was opening up a part of myself to people that I don't share. It's just usually between me and God. It was digging deeper to who I was in high school and making me remember young and innocent times of freedom and wonder who I was now and how my gifts and talents were supposed to fit into my life now. I was feeling exposed and didn't know how to react.
The phone rang on the Sunday and Monica informed me that Emily was sick and unable to sing. So that left me... singing the melody for part of the song. Terror ded not rise in me, just a quiet laughter knowing that God would do with me what he wanted no matter how hard I resisted. He will press on until I fall helplessly and so hopefully into his arms in complete joy and satisfaction.
I would like to say that I enjoyed every minute playing on stage and that I felt so free and played as thought only the Lord were listening. That's not completely true. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, but I was proud for conquering my fears and singing in front of people and playing guitar. But I think what God was and is working in me is larger than just one Sunday. Larger than just one short song.
While this has been happening, we've been learning about the motivational gifts in Romans 12 at church. There are 7 "motivational" gifts which just means different characteristics of God that are seen in people. Most people have a dominant one or two gifts- which are the primary ways that we see and experience and move in the world. I was pretty sure mine was mercy and it has been confirmed in several different ways.
Last night at house church, a divine conversation unfolded around our living room about these gifts and what gift we thought we had, how we wrestled with it, how it could be twisted for evil if misused, but how it could be so liberating and sweet when used the way God intended. It set me on fire. I loved learning about my brothers and sisters in Christ and how God made them each so unique. God is represented in every person we meet. I am learning to embrace and value my gift. It gives me freedom to know that I think differently than many people and that's ok. God needs me in this world to do great things for him.
He needs me to sing His song.
He has asked me to carry the melody. If my life is a song, I want it to be a song that proclaims God's greatness. I want to teach others that song. In order to teach others the song, I have to know the song inside and out. I have to believe the words I sing or they will be meaningless and empty. I have to sing the melody first and others can join in on the melody or sing harmony- but the melody must come first. But most importantly I have to SING. I have to open my mouth and let a song of praise come forth. And as each person learns the melody, they go out and they teach people the melody.
And so we sing. Together. We sing. Loudly. We sing. Boldly.
We fear nothing because our conductor and King is God. He knows the whole song- even the pieces we haven't heard yet. He knows the beginning and the end. He knows when each part comes in and ends and he weaves them together in perfect harmony blending voices and abilities of people from all nations. If he asks us to sing the melody it's because he know we can carry it. His spirit is the song-maker inside us.
And one day when we reach heaven we will join with all the angels and sing to God forever. Oh happy day.
"For the LORD will comfort Zion,
He will comfort all her waste places;
He will make her wilderness like Eden,
And her desert like the garden of the LORD;
Joy and gladness will be found in it,
Thanksgiving and the voice of melody."
-Isaiah 51:3
"speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord."
Ephesians 5:19
I've just had a beautiful glimpse into the way God made me and so many people around me. It started off being unsure of myself- as so many of my adventures begin. Really it started off with music. I have a deep love for music. I always have. Sometimes when I go on trips, I buy a CD right before it and listen to it on the journey because when I hear those songs in the future, I will be able to close my eyes and recall details of the trip that no other stimulant can trigger. Music is so powerful. Music has the ability to conjure up many different emotions. Two things that can cross any cultural or language barrier. Music speaks to the soul.
When my heart is full of joy, it makes me want to sing. So many times the Psalmist says that he wants to sing God's praises. Singing seems to be such a natural response in humans to the joys and sorrows of life- seeming to get us through many valleys by the grace of God.
Music is an intimate part of me because I love to play guitar and it has often been a way that I privately worship and experience God. I can remember being in high school and sitting up on my roof at all times of the day and night playing guitar over our sunporch. There's a part of me that was so free up there- so close to God.
I don't like being in front of people so I rarely played in bands or at church until "girl band." Girl band consisted of myself and 3 other beautiful girls who are all doing very different things with their life right now. But for 6 months during my senior year of high school we experienced such a unique bond because we played music together and together music spoke to our soul. We shared inside jokes, stories of first kisses, and dreams of our futures until 6 in the morning on many occasions.
Then in college, I didn't play guitar for anybody. I never played once in front of people that I can recall.
So about a three months ago, a friend at church, Monica learned about my ability to play guitar. Conveniently enough she is one of the leaders in the band at our church. On our deacon retreat, I played a line from a Psalm that I had written a little melody to- nothing special. If you know Monica's love for music, she couldn't let the line go without making it something more. One sunday after church- we stuck around- just the two of us- in dcf at the piano and wrote the rest of the song. It was a breakthrough for both of us. We had both written songs in the past and hadn't shared them much with others for different reasons. Mine being that I mainly do not think I am a good singer and would rather do anything (insert something extreme and yet not deadly) than sing in front of people. And so that song was played at dcf by Monica.
Monica and I hung out a few more times and I actually took the initiative in telling her that I had written another song. After playing it for her, I knew that no matter how hard I resisted, she was going to make sure it was played on a Sunday at dcf. And of course, I would have to be up there. She finally convinced me to play guitar, but I told her I refused to sing, but the group of people I was singing to grew unintentionally. First Monica, then Monica and Emily, then Monica and the band because she said they had to learn the melody. Her and Emily would sing harmony. I finally agreed to play guitar, but said I would not get within 1 foot of the mic on Sunday. After band practice that night I fell apart and was frustrated by my inability to explain my complex feelings. I was nervous and worried, but it was more than that. I was opening up a part of myself to people that I don't share. It's just usually between me and God. It was digging deeper to who I was in high school and making me remember young and innocent times of freedom and wonder who I was now and how my gifts and talents were supposed to fit into my life now. I was feeling exposed and didn't know how to react.
The phone rang on the Sunday and Monica informed me that Emily was sick and unable to sing. So that left me... singing the melody for part of the song. Terror ded not rise in me, just a quiet laughter knowing that God would do with me what he wanted no matter how hard I resisted. He will press on until I fall helplessly and so hopefully into his arms in complete joy and satisfaction.
I would like to say that I enjoyed every minute playing on stage and that I felt so free and played as thought only the Lord were listening. That's not completely true. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, but I was proud for conquering my fears and singing in front of people and playing guitar. But I think what God was and is working in me is larger than just one Sunday. Larger than just one short song.
While this has been happening, we've been learning about the motivational gifts in Romans 12 at church. There are 7 "motivational" gifts which just means different characteristics of God that are seen in people. Most people have a dominant one or two gifts- which are the primary ways that we see and experience and move in the world. I was pretty sure mine was mercy and it has been confirmed in several different ways.
Last night at house church, a divine conversation unfolded around our living room about these gifts and what gift we thought we had, how we wrestled with it, how it could be twisted for evil if misused, but how it could be so liberating and sweet when used the way God intended. It set me on fire. I loved learning about my brothers and sisters in Christ and how God made them each so unique. God is represented in every person we meet. I am learning to embrace and value my gift. It gives me freedom to know that I think differently than many people and that's ok. God needs me in this world to do great things for him.
He needs me to sing His song.
He has asked me to carry the melody. If my life is a song, I want it to be a song that proclaims God's greatness. I want to teach others that song. In order to teach others the song, I have to know the song inside and out. I have to believe the words I sing or they will be meaningless and empty. I have to sing the melody first and others can join in on the melody or sing harmony- but the melody must come first. But most importantly I have to SING. I have to open my mouth and let a song of praise come forth. And as each person learns the melody, they go out and they teach people the melody.
And so we sing. Together. We sing. Loudly. We sing. Boldly.
We fear nothing because our conductor and King is God. He knows the whole song- even the pieces we haven't heard yet. He knows the beginning and the end. He knows when each part comes in and ends and he weaves them together in perfect harmony blending voices and abilities of people from all nations. If he asks us to sing the melody it's because he know we can carry it. His spirit is the song-maker inside us.
And one day when we reach heaven we will join with all the angels and sing to God forever. Oh happy day.
"For the LORD will comfort Zion,
He will comfort all her waste places;
He will make her wilderness like Eden,
And her desert like the garden of the LORD;
Joy and gladness will be found in it,
Thanksgiving and the voice of melody."
-Isaiah 51:3
"speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord."
Ephesians 5:19
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