Just get in the pool.

So I wrote this two weeks ago, but it didn't publish on my other computer and I thought it had. I wanted to post it though because it is an interesting follow up to my excited post about swimming.... Real life man.

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Sometimes it feels like for every step forward you take, you take two steps back.

I had high dreams and hopes last week. My feet were feeling better and I could picture myself swimming- confident and maybe not great- but decent?! I spent way to much time watching pros swim on youtube who make it look easy.

So Tuesday rolls around and my friend Dana comes to the pool with me to teach me how better techniques and I am surprised. Surprised at how hard it is. It does not come naturally at all to me. The breathing part. Then I psych myself all out in my mind because other people are around and I have to stop at the end of every lap and catch my breath. She taught me how to do the flip turn, but I can't even do two laps back to back right now... so flip turn- you will have to wait. But I still had a lot of fun with her at the pool and was positive.

Somehow the next two days all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't do it. Didn't want to do it. How could I now go by myself and be slow and stop to breath after every lap?

I woke up this morning tired and anxious about going, but I wanted to exercise in the pool. So I mustered up a tiny bit of courage and went. I swam in a lane next to a pro. I watched her after every lap that I stopped to catch my breath. After literally 5 minutes there, I thought that I could not do anymore. I was embarrassed, tired, and frustrated with myself. I watched the other people and decided I could try backstroke because you don't have to worry too much about breathing. It was much better. I did a few laps of that, then a few laps of freestyle.

Finally, I decided to ask this pro next to me about breathing. She was so kind and gave me a few tips for my swimming. I stayed for 30 minutes and at the end my body was so tired. From only 30 minutes. Shoot- I used to be able to play tennis for 2 hours. I have a new appreciation for people who swim.

Anyhow- some of my dreams of a triathlon came crashing down with reality. But on my way home I thought- I got in the pool.

I could have not gotten in the pool. Been too afraid. But I did. I mean I was afraid, but I just got in a tried my best. And sometimes that is all God asks for us.

I have so much trouble trusting him. My feet started hurting a lot more this week after a week that felt like I was making lots of progress. So much of it is related to my mind and it is discouraging. But God is not asking me to be an Olympic athlete in my prayers or my walk with him. I forget that. There will always be someone in the lane next to me in life that I think it better than me.

But God just looks in my lane at me. He cheers me on. He carries me when I am tried. He give me strength.

I came home from swimming and opened Jesus Calling while I ate breakfast. I thought it was August 5th so i read that one first (which it's August 6th) and the second sentence says, "Make your mind like a still pool of water, ready to receive whatever thoughts I drop into it." A pool of water.

Then I realized it was the 6th (teacher summer brain), and it is dead on:
"I make your feet like the feet of a deer. I enable you to walk and make progress upon you high places of trouble, suffering, or responsibility." Then it sites Habakkuk 3:17-19 which is THE verse I have been repeating over and over to myself as I try to believe that God will heal my feet.

So today is the last PT appointment of the summer- the one where I was really hoping to be healed before school started. But it's not there, but it's almost there. Hopefully.

I will just keep getting in the water so to speak. Keep praying. Keep trusting. Keep swimming. Even thought I am awful at all three. Praise Jesus that he doesn't love me based that.

I will just keep channeling some Dori soul:

Comments




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